Normally, my absolute favourite time of year. But over the last 4 christmasses I feel like I’ve become more and more detached from the whole festive thing – which in itself, is quite sad.
Thing is, christmas is for kids. And as yet, my husband and I don’t have any.
Being childless and in my 30’s, I feel like I’m excluded from some VIP club which I’ve longed to be a part of for 3 and a half years now. Some members became members by accident, other members make scarce use of their membership perks.
So, we officially started trying after we got married in Autumn 2013. Having stopped contraception a few months previously. We naively thoughts we’d fall pregnant within a few months, so by summer 2014,I was a little concerned and I went to the docs to have some initial tests done. Turns out I had PCOS. The doctor advised I could do with losing some weight and gave me some medication. A few months later Mr Hasdogswantshumans also went to see his GP. Turns out his swimmers weren’t doing what they should be doing – So between the 2 of us, there was no wonder we weren’t getting very far!
So we set about researching, exercising, eating healthily and taking a lot of vitamins and supplements.
During early 2015, we were referred to our most local fertility clinic. They prodded and poked us. Mr Hasdogswantshumans, a repeat sample analysis, (same results) Myself a Hsg (tubes all clear). Due to my weight, the clinic couldn’t provide me with clomid, so we were sent on our way told to keep up the good work – I’d lost a stone or 2 by this point. By summer 2015, I’d lost a further stone and had reached the magical number the clinic wanted (Mr Hasdogswantshumans had been hard at work too, giving a near normal sample a few months previously) so we came away over the moon, with our drugs in hand and hope that things might just work!
6 months of clomid later and not a sniff of a positive test.
During 2015 I started acupuncture – which if nothing else, I find a huge help mentally and a bit of a therapy session too.
Fast forward to summer 2016 – I’d finally lost enough weight to be signed off to receive NHS funded fertility treatment! (6 stone in total) Hurrrrrah!!! We met with doctors at the ACU and decided that we’d take full advantage of the 3x iui and 1x ivf on offer to us. We’d done a lot research and even though the iui had low success rates of a 15% chance of a live birth each cycle, we thought we’d give it a go, if only to see how I reacted to the fertility drugs.
First cycle was a bust.
Second cycle I got my first and loooong awaited positive pregnancy test!
We were over the moon. Ecstatic. This was worth the wait 🙂
A few weeks later at our viability scan, we were given the devastating news that I’d suffered a missed miscarriage – which is where the body still carries the pregnancy even though the embryo has stopped growing.
This happened a couple of months ago, I can’t really remember the time immediately afterwards, all I know is that I cried A LOT and didn’t know how I’d carry on.
But, as with most things, life goes on and you gradually feel a little less sad each day (well, most days).
It’s now the odd week of nothing between Christmas and New Year 2016, a time that’s allowed a lot of time with family, reflection on how far we’ve come and appreciating all the wonderful things we have to be thankful for.
January will bring our third and final attempt at iui and we have everything crossed that we might just fall lucky once more….
Here’s hoping xxx