Pregnancy pregnancy everywhere (except for in my belly)

They’re everywhere, pregnant women.

Or at least that’s how it seems.

It’s easy to ignore when it’s just a pregnant lady in passing? Look the other way. An old acquaintance on facebook, flashing a scan picture? *unfollow*

But the people who are actually part of your life who’re expecting is slightly different, isn’t it?

So starting off light – Someone at work told me in hushed tones that she wanted me to hear it from her, that her 18 year old daughter, (in an unstable relationship) was making her a grandma earlier today – she knows about our treatment and miscarriage. I appreciated her being gentle with me if truth be told. You can’t fault people’s efforts if they come from a caring place, can you?

Next is my hairdresser. She’s been trying for a couple of years now. And they fell lucky over Christmas,  just ahead of hearing from their fertility referal. We talked about *the struggle* often as she’s done various things to my hair. And I’m genuinely happy for her. But sad for the child shaped void which continues in my existence and would go as far as to say that I feel left behind. (For the record I’m 33, not 9).

Next is someone who isn’t even pregnant yet! Another work friend. Through complete chance we learnt that we were both going through the infertility mill at the same time and we sometimes take lunch together and provide one another with updates on various things we might have tried, supplements swallowed or questions the other might be able to answer. Her issues are greater than mine. But I’m already petrified of having to see her expanding pregnant belly even though I’m currently undergoing treatment too! 

I honestly think when you walk through the doors of a fertility clinic, they should slap a mental health warning on you. That affable, chirpy demeanour you currently face the world with, hold on tight to it – this journey can and probably will turn you into a raving lunatic  

Author: hasdogswantshumans

34, from The Midlands, UK. The loveliest husband, family, friends and dogs. 100% determined to become parents - one way or the other.... *During January 2018, after 4 and a half years, we finally welcomed 2 daughters to our world.

13 thoughts on “Pregnancy pregnancy everywhere (except for in my belly)”

  1. I definitely understand this. When my OB/GYN was still treating me, I would sit in the waiting room feeling so ironic about the number of pregnant women and women with babies who would come in. Fortunately our RE clinic has a nice “no babies” policy.

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    1. I feel ya! I realise it’s the same bits of the body beng treated, but it does take some mental strength to sit amongst all the pregnancy and babies eh? Hurrah for the specialists and their sensitivity!

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  2. Oh this rings true for me. It’s such a vicious pit of feelings to fall into…genuine happiness for them, bitterness for yourself, and guilt for feeling bitter.

    I hope you get some good news for yourself soon x

    Liked by 1 person

  3. First time visitor, first time commenting. I love your blog name btw. I totally relate to everything you write here. I’m not on FB anymore for that reason. I’m also terrified of the elephant of the room – a friend in this shared struggle now falls pregnant before me while I’m stranded here. You articulated it much better than I can.

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    1. Thanks 😊 seemed fitting. Since I wrote this, my hairdresser suffered a miscarriage and my work friend had a disastrous attempt at icsi. So I now obviously feel terrible for thinking anything but happy thoughts for them. This stuff is such a brain bender x

      Liked by 1 person

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