Pregnancy pregnancy everywhere (except for in my belly)

They’re everywhere, pregnant women.

Or at least that’s how it seems.

It’s easy to ignore when it’s just a pregnant lady in passing? Look the other way. An old acquaintance on facebook, flashing a scan picture? *unfollow*

But the people who are actually part of your life who’re expecting is slightly different, isn’t it?

So starting off light – Someone at work told me in hushed tones that she wanted me to hear it from her, that her 18 year old daughter, (in an unstable relationship) was making her a grandma earlier today – she knows about our treatment and miscarriage. I appreciated her being gentle with me if truth be told. You can’t fault people’s efforts if they come from a caring place, can you?

Next is my hairdresser. She’s been trying for a couple of years now. And they fell lucky over Christmas,  just ahead of hearing from their fertility referal. We talked about *the struggle* often as she’s done various things to my hair. And I’m genuinely happy for her. But sad for the child shaped void which continues in my existence and would go as far as to say that I feel left behind. (For the record I’m 33, not 9).

Next is someone who isn’t even pregnant yet! Another work friend. Through complete chance we learnt that we were both going through the infertility mill at the same time and we sometimes take lunch together and provide one another with updates on various things we might have tried, supplements swallowed or questions the other might be able to answer. Her issues are greater than mine. But I’m already petrified of having to see her expanding pregnant belly even though I’m currently undergoing treatment too! 

I honestly think when you walk through the doors of a fertility clinic, they should slap a mental health warning on you. That affable, chirpy demeanour you currently face the world with, hold on tight to it – this journey can and probably will turn you into a raving lunatic